and this explains all

Weird. Awkward. Apathetic. Out of the blue. Spontaneous. Insecure. All descriptions I could so easily toss your way, but don't. You're there one minute. Next day, you wish I was dead, lying in a hole somewhere. Haa. I stil wonder if you know you hurt me. I still wonder if you understand that I do, in fact, miss you. I still wonder if you smile when you hear brother neil, I still wonder if you have my Indian medallion in Hermonie. I still wonder if you even remember anything at all or if you've completly pushed me out. It hurts you know, it hurts walking past you in the hall. You don't say anything. It hurts seeing you with the friends we shared, knowing that if I were to go over there to join, I would be rejected. it hurts when you do talk to me. It hurts when you try to say hello, make conversation like old times, even though we are both oh so very aware it means nothing to you. It hurts. Sometimes I wish you'd made up your mind. Sometimes I wish life was back to how it was during the summer months.

I wish you cared.

Si. Hirsche. I am talking to you.