aprehensive.

sometimes i am tired and just don't feel like getting out of bed. i turn up james taylor and let his voice wash over me and i pretend i live somewhere classy. like seattle or new orleans. i listen to the rain begin. stop. and begin again. i realize that my life is taking a new turn. and that i am growing up. and that no matter how great the desire to push "pause" is, i simply can't.
can't is a tough word to take in.
but i do it. i keep thinking that i should be excited to move on. to grow up. to go to college. and really. deep down, i am. but much like the thought of giving birth, the future terrifies me. absolutly terrifies. yet. a little bit of excitement bubbles deep down inside. not for school, but for way beyond that. for the days where i am a college grad and living wherever the Lord sends me. i hope to be writing and reading and learning italian and helping others find themselves.
but until then. james taylor and i will remain good friends. and the rain will visit us every now and then. and we'll just have to wait and see what the future holds.